FRIENDSHIP 001

2

Posted by kesaven guptha | Posted on 12:51 PM | Posted in

My Jok Sms Message by kesaven





☻FRIENDSHIP TEST...


thE tEst oF fRiEndsHip dOseN't cOmeS wHen u R 2GethEr. It cOmEs wHeN u ParT waYs & u ReaLizE tHat dEsPitE tHe dIsTanCe, thE fRiEndshIp iS sTilL tHeRe...


Posted By Kesaven . . . .


☻FRIENDS


True friends are like Diamonds... they are real and rare. False friends are like leaves... they are scattered everywhere.


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻F.U.C.K


REMEMBER: if u need a FUCK, u can always count on me bcoz F.U.C.K stands for FRIENDS U CAN KEEP. Fuck 4ever, & promise me that we FUCK till eternity!


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻FRIENDSHIP IS....


FRIENDSHIP isn't how U forGet but how U forGive, Not how U liSten but how U UnderStand, Not what U see but how U feel, and not how U Let Go but how U hold oN!!!


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻ PRICELESS GIFT


FriEndSHiP iS A PRiCeLeSs GiFt tHaT cAn'T Be BoUgHt Or SoLd, BuT To Have An UnDeRsTaNdiNg FriEnd iS FaR MoRe WoRtH tHaN GoLd~!


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻SUBSCRIBER CANNOT BE REACHED


If you need advice, text me... If you need a friend, call me... If you need me, come to me... If you need money... ........... THE SUBSCRIBER CANNOT BE REACHED!


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻ COMPARE


FRIENDSHIP is like a tree... It is not MEASURED on how TALL it could be, but is on how DEEP the ROOTS HAVE GROWN...


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻FRIENDS 4 LIFE


Without humor, life sux. Without courage, life is hard. Without love, life is hopeless. Without friends like you, life is impossible!


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻COMPUTER


A good friend is like a computer; me 'enter' ur life, 'save' u in my heart, 'format' ur problems, 'shift' u 2 opportunities & never 'delete' u from my memory!


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻FRIENDS ALWAYS


In this WORLD, where everything seems UNCERTAIN, only one thing is DEFINITE. You'll always be my FRIEND, beyond WORDS, beyond TIME & beyond DISTANCE!


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻ANGEL FRIENDS


I believe in angels, the kind that heaven sends. I'm surrounded by angels but I call them my best friends.


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻OUT OF MY CONTROL


Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was choice, but falling in love with you was completely out of my control.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .






☻ MEMORY LASTS FOREVER


A memory lasts forever, and never does it die. True friends stay together and never say good bye.


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻ FRIENDSHIP


The ship that will never sink is my friendship with you.


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻ NEVER SPLIT


I met U as a stranger, I leave U as a friend, as long as the world stands, our friendship nv ends. All friends nv split N even if they do they will meet again.


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻NEVER LOSE TRUE FRIENDS


I always thought loving some1 was the greatest feeling, but I realised tat loving a friend is even better, we lose ppl we love but we never lose true friends.


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻ WITHOUT A FRIEND LIKE U


EveRyDay I seE LoTs oF StRangErS PasSiNg By mE, ThiS mAkeS mE reAlisED tHat, LifE woUlD be BORING, WiThoUt A FriEnD LiKE U...


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻ BEHIND YOU


DuRiNg OuR FrIeNdShIp, ThErE wIlL B TiMeS U wOn't SeE Me BeSiDe U, DuN ThInK I LeFt U BeHiNd, I JuSt ChOsE To WaLk BeHiNd U So I CaN CaTcH U WhEn U Fall...


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻ NAKED


GUY: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. GAL: If I see you naked, I'd probably die laughing.


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻ MAKING LOVE


After making love, wat r u tryin to say? I love u? Wrong! 1 more time? Wrong. U r so pretty?Wrong. I'm so tired? Wrong! The answer is tissue...tissue...plsss!!!


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻KISS


A peach is a peach, a plum is a plum. what is a kiss without a tongue.


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻PAINTING


A man was looking at a painting 4 a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body, he was asked what he was doing & he answered - waitng 4 autumn.


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻FALLING APART


Its been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a shirt N a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase N the handle came off. I'm afraid 2 go 2 the bathroom.


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻HOME EARLY


1 day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻ NEVER LOSE ME!


We gain and lose things every day. But trust me on one thing: YOU WILL NEVER LOSE ME! I will always be there as a friend!


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻BEST FREN


A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻SHOOTING STARS


The times we shared is like shooting star... the time is short but really beautiful moments.... Forever engraved in our hearts.... Friends forever~!!!


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻ KEEPING A FRIEND


KeEping a FRIEND is As Difficult AS losing one. U sacrifice A lot To keep them. I may not have sacrificed enuf 4 u... but in my HEART I swear I'm keeping U..


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻ PROMISE


We've known each other by CHANCE, became friends by CHOICE, still friends by DECISION. And when we say FRIEND FOREVER, that's definitely a lifetime PROMISE!


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻FLOWER


If friends were flowers I would not pick you! I'll let you grow in the garden & cultivate you with love and care so I can keep you as a friend 4ever!!


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻ A RING


A ring is round and has no end.... and that's how long I'll be your friend.


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻WONDERFUL FRIEND


There is a gift that gold cannot buy, a blessing dats rare & true, dats the gift of a wonderful friend like the friend dat i have in u!


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻WAT U SEE


Wat u see as truth wat u see as lies remember that true friendship never dies although we may change & drift apart, ill always value u deep within my heart!


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻ FATE 2B FRIENDS


A friend is never a coincidence in your life, they are meant to enter your life to bring you joy and laughter. So, i will treasure the friendship between us.


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻ WHAT YOU SAY


Everyone hears what you say... Friends listen to what you say... Best friends listen to what you don't say...


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻ FRIENDSHIP MEANS...


I want u 2 know that our friendship means a lot 2 me. U cry, I cry. U laugh.. I laugh. U jump out of d window.. I look down n then.. I laugh again.. hahaha


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻ ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU...


Friends are like stars. You can't always see them, But you know they are always there for you...


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻ LEAVING FOOTPRINTS


Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻AS LONG AS....


As long as we have memories, yesterday remains; as long as we have hope, tomorrow awaits. As long as we have Friendship, each day is never a waste.


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻ MY BRA


a gd friend is like a gd bra... hard to find, very comfortable, supportive, and always close to the heart..... HELLO MY GD BRA :)


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻ PRICETAGS


GOD is so wise that he never created FRIENDS with pricetags, Because..... if He did, I can't afford a precious FRIEND like YOU!!!


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻OLD FRIENDS


Never abandon old friends. They are hard 2 replace. Friendships is like wine: it gets BETTER as it grows OLDER. Just like us... i get BETTER, u get OLDER.


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻ PATH OF FRIENDSHIP


The sun is glazing, upon the sunlight i see the path of our friendship shining brightly knowing that it is so great to have a friend like YOU! :)


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻ NIGHT PRAYER


Dear God, thank you for making me healthy. Can you also make me sexy? If you can't make me sexy, please make all my friends fat. Amen.


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻ABOUT ME


Handsome, Sweet, Intelligent, Spontaneous, Good Looking, Nice Friends, Charming, Funny, well... Enough about ME! How about you?


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻ GOOD TASTE


A phone is a form of communication, a kiss is a form of affection. A picture is a form of remembrance, CHOOSING me as ur FRIEND is a form of.. ehem GOOD TASTE!


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻ BE MY FRIEND


If U need a friend and there are a hundred steps between us, you can take the 1st step to get near me and i will take all 99 step to be there for you.


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻ RULES TO BE HAPPY


6 rules to be HAPPY: Free your heart from hatred; Free your mind from worries; Live simply; Expect less; Give more & Always have ME as UR FRIEND


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻ FRIENDS


Time might lead me to nowhere; Fate might break me apart; I'll always be thankful that once, along my life's journey I found a friend like U...


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻KISS MY ASS


The fluffy clouds may kiss the sky, The rose may kiss the butterfly, The morning dew may kiss the grass,But u my friend can kiss my ass!


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻RING


I wish I were a ring Upon my girlfriend's hand, 'Cause everytime she'd wipe her rear I'd see the promised land....


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻ FRIENDS LIKE HAIR


Friends are like a head of hair. You might lose some, but with enough $money$ you can buy them back.


Posted By Kesaven . . . .




☻NICE FRIENDS


A day is going to end again. It is nice to have a friend like U making my everyday seems so great. Thank U my good friend lastly gd nite n sweet dreams...


Posted By Kesaven . . . .

sex jok 003

1

Posted by kesaven guptha | Posted on 12:34 PM | Posted in ,

My Jok Sms Message by kesaven
☻Knock! Knock!


Who's There?

A midget who cant reach the doorbell.



☻Knock! Knock!

Who's there?

Harry.

Harry who?

Harry up and let me in!



☻Knock! Knock!

Who's there?

Harry, Butch, and Jimmy.

Harry, Butch and Jimmy who?

Harry up, Butch your arms around me, and Jimmy a kiss.



☻Knock! Knock!

Who's there?

Olive.

Olive who?

Olive across the road.



☻Knock! Knock!

Who's there?

Mummy.

Mummy who?

Mummeasles are better so can I come in?



☻Knock! Knock!

Who's there?

Boo.

Boo who?

There's no need to cry, it's only a joke.



☻Knock! Knock!

Who's there?

Madam.

Madam who?

Madam key broke in the lock.



☻Knock! Knock!

Who's there?

Orange.

Orange who?

Orange you glad I called by?



☻Knock! Knock!

Who's there?

Atch.

Atch who?

Bless you.



☻Knock! Knock!

Who's there?

Mister.

Mister who?

Mister last bus home.



☻Knock! Knock!

Who's there?

Ivor.

Ivor who?

Ivor sore hand from knocking so much.



☻Knock! Knock!

Who's there?

York.

York who?

York coming over to my place tonight?



☻Knock! Knock!

Who's there?

Isabel.

Isabel who?

Isabel broken? I had to knock.



☻Knock! Knock!

Who's there?

Lettuce.

Lettuce who?

Lettuce in, it's cold out here.



☻Knock! Knock!

Who's there?

Grandma. Knock! Knock!

Who's there?

Grandma. Knock! Knock!

Who's there?

Grandma. Knock! Knock!

Who's there?

Aunt.

Aunt who?

Aunt you glad Grandma's gone?



☻Knock! Knock!

Who's there?

Doris.

Doris who?

Doris locked - that's why I knocked.

☻friendship is like peeing in your pants. every1 can c it but only u can feel its true warmth.thank u 4 being the pee in my pants xxxx

☻(_!_)An arse (__!__)Fat arse (!)Tight arse (_?_)Dumb arse (_*_)Sore arse (_zzz_)Tired arse (_E=mc2_)Smart arse (_x_)Kiss my arse!!

☻He met a lady while browsing. She unzipped his dotcom when downloading. Since he was virus free he slotted his floppydisk into her hotmail she screamed yahoo!

☻Today its cool to have small cars and small computers.Soon it will be cool to have a small penis too.then you my friend will be THE MAN!!

☻Viagra now available in eye drops, you don't get an erection but you look hard!

☻T-MOBILE regrets 2 inform u that the network has gone down on everyone except u.We regret 2 inform u that no one would go down on u.not even a network

☻I only have SEX on days that begin with T: Thanksgiving. Tuesday. Thursday. Today. Tomorrow. Thaturday. thunday.. Tevery day!

sex jok 002

1

Posted by kesaven guptha | Posted on 12:01 PM | Posted in ,

My Jok Sms Message by kesaven
☻We will now upgrade your brain, please wait....Searching....searching...still searching....sorry,NO BRAIN found...!


Posted By Kesaven . . . .

☻I'M AN ALIEN. I HAVE JUST TRANSFORMED MYSELF INTO THIS TEST. AS YOU ARE READING I'M HAVING SEX WITH YOUR EYEBALLS. I KNOW THAT YOU LIKE IT BECAUSE YOU ARE SMILING
Posted By Kesaven . . . .


☻When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Conserve toilet paper, use both sides.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Dad, what vagina looks like? Before sex: a pink rose with soft lovely pelats and perfum aroma. And after sex? boy, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise!
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Kiss my ass, and do it fast,suck my dick and do it quick.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Bad sex is better then a good day in school.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little to be out on it's own!!!!
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Sex is like programing; One mistake, and YOU WILL HAVE TO SUPPORT IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE…
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Their are moments in life when you really miss someone. And you wish you could just pluck them from your dreams......
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻My girl and me, we are so perfect, she loves me, and I love myself too...
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Hi, do you want to have my children? No.?? ...Okay, then can we just practice?
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks your an asshole…
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻If you wanna be a hipi, put you flower in your pipi…
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Don`t drink water, because fish fuck in it!
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Hi! Please stand by while this program enlarges your penis...........................ERROR: Your penis was not found! Sorry..............
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little to be out on it's own!!!!
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message


Posted By Kesaven . . . .

☻God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻The longest sentence known to man: "I do."
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Why were males created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻I want to suck you... lick you... wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream!
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?


A:About 45 pounds!!
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?


A: There have been sightings of UFOs.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears...
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻What did the elephant say to the naked man?


How do you breathe through that thing?
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?


Popeye beat the crap outta him.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says:


"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.


Employee: Who's there?


Boss: Not you anymore.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?


If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?


Magnets have a positive side!
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Q: What does a blonde owl say?


A: What, what?
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?


The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed?


Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?


He was looking for Pooh!
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?


You don't, you've told her twice already!
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie?


One screwd the miners, the other screwed Majors
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?


A: Her IQ goes up.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn't come back for a day and a half.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻How many men do you need for a mafia funeral?


Only one. To slam the car boot shut.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻For sale : Twin beds, one hardly used.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Whats the definitoin of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Why doesn't Jesus eat M and M's? Cos they fall through his hands.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Whits pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran!
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home!
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A bitch who knows everything.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?


A: We don't know. Never happens.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Q: Why was the leper caught speeding?


A: He couldn't take his foot of the accelerator.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore?


A: An f****ing know it all.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻ A chicken sandwidch walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here".


A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻ Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻ I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?




Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻ Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻ What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool...
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻ It's no accident that stressed spelled backwards is desserts.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻ I wonder if you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻ Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻ You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻ I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻ My Reality Check bounced.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻ Minds are like Parachutes. They work best when open.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻ Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will whiz on your computer.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻ Lightyears ahead! Just a phonecall away!
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Very funny Scotty. Now beam up my clothes.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Do chickens think rubber humans are funny?
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Borrow money from pessimists--they don't expect it back
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻What do you call a handcuffed man?


- Trustworthy.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻What's the quietest place in the world? The complaint department at the parachute packing plant
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?


☻A: Run like hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Why don't men often show their true feelings?


- Because they don't have any. 1
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻What's the difference between a man and E.T.?


- E.T. phoned home.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻What is the thinnest book in the world?


What Men Know About Women.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻How Dogs and Women are alike.....


Neither believe that silence is golden.


Neither can balance a checkbook.


Both put too much value on kissing.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻If you jogged backward ... would you gain weight?
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Did you hear about the new Chinese Cookbook being sold only at pet stores?
"101 Ways to Wok Your Dog"
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻If you can't change your mind, are you sure you still have one?
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Did you ever walk into a room and and forget why you walked in? that's how dogs spend their lives.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻I only use de-oudourant under one arm, so I know what I would have smelled of.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Did you hear about the idiot who walked around the world? He drowned.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻A woman walked into a fancy cocktail bar and asked the barman for a "double entendre" - so he gave her one!
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻A dyslexic man walks into a bra
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv.. another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻The longest sentencPosted By Kesaven . . . .
e known to man: "I do."





☻CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Why were males created before females?


Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻I want to suck you.. lick you.. wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream!
Posted By Kesaven . . . .







☻Don't spend £2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?


A:About 45 pounds!!
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?


A: There have been sightings of UFOs.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears...
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻What did the elephant say to the naked man?


How do you breathe through that thing?
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?


Popeye beat the crap outta him.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says:


"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.


Employee: Who's there?


Boss: Not you anymore.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?


If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?


Magnets have a positive side!
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Q: What does a blonde owl say?


A: What, what?
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?


The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed?


Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻What do Germans use for birth control?


Their personalities!
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?


He was looking for Pooh!
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?


You don't, you've told her twice already!
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie?


One fucked the miners, the other fucked the Majors




Posted By Kesaven . . . .

☻Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer's disease?


A: Her IQ goes up.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn't come back for a day and a half.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻What do you get if you cross an Irishman with a German?


A man who's too drunk to follow orders.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻How many men do you need for a mafia funeral?


Only one. To slam the car boot shut.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻For sale : Air Bags, Used once.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻What's the definition of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Why doesn't Jesus eat M and M's? Cos they fall through his hands.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻What's pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran!
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home! Posted By Kesaven . . . .



What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A bitch who knows everything.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?


A: We don't know. Never happens.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Q: Why was the leper caught speeding?


A: He couldn't take his foot of the accelerator.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore?


A: An fucking know it all.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻A chicken sandwich walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here".


☻Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool...
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Q: How did the Pollack burn his face?


A: Bobbing for french fries.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Q: What's difference between Yogurt and Australia?


A: One has a real live culture.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Q: What's diff between Michael Jackson and grocery bag?


A: Ones white, made outta plastic and dangerous for kids to play with. The other you carry groceries in.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .



☻Knock! Knock!


Who's there?


Fanny.


Fanny who?


Fanny the way you keep saying 'Who's there? Every time I knock.
Posted By Kesaven . . . .